At the start of any new year, my mind tends to time hop to who I was at this precise moment in the year prior. It sends me back to the beginning. What was new? What was unexpected? How have I grown? And though past years have held many changes, for the most part, the constants often outnumbered the new. Things were kept steady in certain ways even amidst so many significant seasons of spiritual, professional, and personal development. 

Around this time last year, on January 5, 2019, I arrived in Denver. I had spent the two weeks leading up to that new year in a flurry: selling furniture, signing a lease on the first apartment I toured via FaceTime, cramming in as many visits with friends as possible, and packing my remaining belongings into my Honda CR-V. After a three-day drive, filled with countless snow-covered sights in Utah, Will Reagan songs on repeat, a flat tire with a hundred mile tow across the Colorado state line, and a final crawl through weekend ski traffic, my dad and I arrived in Denver. 

As we pulled into the city, the first billboard in sight said, “Fear is contagious, so is hope.” I laughed out loud and thought, thank you for the reminder, God. Isn’t that the choice we face every day? To live in fear or to live in hope. There is magic in saying yes to the unknown, in believing in new beginnings, and in striving for new layers of life that build faith and trust.

I love you, 2019. Thank you for all of it...

Denver

LA is sunny, beautiful, and vibrant. It is more, in both the good and the not so good — more traffic, more expensive, more people, more variety in food, more diversity, more vanity, more attractions… just more. Its people are full of creativity, passion, and drive. There’s an interesting balance to its mindset that I’ve always loved. I respect that people are simultaneously easy-going but determined to achieve and thrive. The list of things I miss is long, and the ocean and my friends and family top it. It would take something really special to stand up to the joy, opportunities, adventure, and relationships that LA has gifted me, but I’m happy to say that Denver is exactly that sort of place. 

I love Denver, and it’s home now. I can get across the city to meet friends in 15 minutes instead of an hour and 15 minutes. Rent is cheaper and gas is half the price (oat milk lattes are still $7 though because we can’t have everything). The seasons are so beautiful here and the quickly changing weather always keeps things interesting. I love the combination of sun and snow. We are surrounded by natural beauty and it’s like living in a giant playground. Cute dogs are everywhere. Coloradans are active and I find it helpful to be surrounded by like-minded people since it makes it easier to get outside and go hiking, climbing, biking, etc. together. You don’t have to go very far to find amazing coffee shops, breweries, and tacos. Our population is increasing at a fast enough rate that transplants outnumber natives. That brings challenges as we grow, but at the same time, I like the increasing diversity as people from all over converge here. That’s something that I always loved about LA and I admire the effort and courage it takes for a person to leave what they know and rebuild in a new place. People need people. That’s something we all understand as we try to make our way. What brought you to Denver? is a common question that leads to many storied answers.

My life looks so different than it did a year ago, and I’m deeply grateful. In the months that I spent traveling and moving in 2018, the indulgence and novelty over time became mundane. Humans have a great ability to adapt to their current everyday setting and begin to idealize the opposite of what they have and where they find themselves. At the end of all that movement, I craved stability and structure. Now I feel a great sense of belonging to this place. I feel settled, rooted, and committed here. Great love requires great commitment. That’s what I want to relearn here — to be present, and to be committed to the long work of loving people.

Living Alone

It has long been a goal and dream of mine to live by myself for a season at least once in my life before getting married. While living in Los Angeles, high rent prices kept this from being attainable. More than that though, when you have the option to live with Yvonne Darby, you choose it. And then when you have the option to live with Chandler and Yvonne, you choose it again. Here in Denver, I finally realized this dream on Emerson Street where I found a place to call my own. I spent the better part of January ordering a million things to furnish my apartment, lamenting frequent construction of furniture, running to Target nearly every day for yet another home necessity, all while eating my first meals on the floor, enveloped in cardboard packaging. 

When it all finally came together, I felt so much peace and joy. Through traveling and moving over the last year, my life was one of reduction and departure. This new home, full of intentionality and ownership, felt like a long-awaited arrival, like dropping my keys on the table after a very long trip. Denver in the winter is incredible, but in moments where it appeared foreign and cold, this apartment offered familiarity and warmth. There were still days during my unemployment and friendlessness that it became an isolation cabin, but far more often it functioned as a restorative sanctuary, and in time was used for hospitality and gatherings.

I strolled down tree-lined sidewalks, exploring my neighborhood by foot, and I became a ‘regular’ for the first time at the coffee and biscuit shop down the street where I worked on job applications day after day. The central location was perfect, and my lack of any schedule led to many unplanned days of wandering. I fell in love with Denver, and hoped that, in time, it might love me back. I picked my apartment based on its proximity to Washington Park, which is an epicenter for outdoor activities, and I found myself there almost every other day during the first half of this year. It became my go-to spot for walks with Denver friends, long phone calls to long-distance friends, and sunset runs. Since my move to the Cherry Creek neighborhood in September, I don’t go here nearly as often, but Wash Park is still probably the most peaceful place to me in all of Denver.

Unemployment

For five long months, and for the first time in my life, I struggled with unemployment. Part of the reason I was so interested in quitting my job last year was to remove layers of identity from my life. I sought to learn who I was without the long-held labels that I and others had placed on myself. I wanted to know that belonging to God was enough, that His love for me could quiet a world of other voices. 

It was a process of deconstructing my pride. Sharing your life and your decisions with others invites questions and comments. My employment status became a frequent topic that I was forced to revisit over and over with well-meaning family and friends. And while it is undoubtedly helpful to share and vent and seek support, sometimes the patient doesn’t want to talk about the illness. Sometimes the conversations were too much to bear because I needed relief from the reality that already weighed on me so heavily. I learned you don’t owe people answers, especially when you’re still searching for them yourself.

Now friends who saw me, keep me honest about my words, but the thing I most wanted to be found saying in these months was simply that I trust God. There were countless meetings, applications, interviews, encouragements, and then... dead ends. I was confused, but not abandoned. I felt crushed, but still hopeful. I had spent significant savings on travel in 2018 and instead of replenishing that as expected, here I was making some deep financial cuts to live for five months in Denver with no income. 

In this time, I could relate to other friends who had recently been laid-off. I was able to better empathize with my parents who had faced unemployment several times. My faith grew as I found myself rejoicing in the uncertainty because it made me dependent on God in new ways. I felt immense peace as I further clarified the ways God has gifted me — ways that have taken me years to uncover, trust, and use. Through this process, God humbled my heart. In all the decisions that God gives us the freedom to make, we don’t need certainty. We just need faith. That has been the beauty of recent risks — moving forward in ways that won’t work unless God shows up. He always does. And it’s not on my time and it’s not how I planned, but it’s always good. 

I was reminded that “whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much” (Luke 16:10). I kept turning back to that idea in this sparse and low place. It was a small beginning. I would be in need of new work, new people, new opportunities, new community, new relationships — and while I hoped that would all come, I needed to be faithful with the day at hand. Can I have faith today, that this is what God has for me, and not devalue it by desiring something different? I could brace for the struggle, the depression, the rejection, the lack, the loneliness, the uncertainty... by embracing God. To put my focus back on Him, meant freedom.

Cypress Community Church

I got introduced to this church in March through my dear friend, Kailey, when she connected me to her dear friend, Meredith. There is something special about meeting a best friend of one of your best friends. Our closest people carry pieces of us with them. I felt that from the first time Meredith and I got coffee. The scene felt familiar despite the change of setting and characters. Conveniently, Meredith’s husband is the pastor at Cypress and from that first Sunday, I felt pretty at ease and welcomed. Christian community is many things, from the delightful to the difficult, but this year has shown me new ways to see and engage in it. 

How do I start to tell you about this church? I hear people around me describe it all the time. They offer up its name, the location, yes we’re nondenominational, oh we’re small, not more than forty people give or take, yes it’s a church plant, oh and here are some demographics for you... do you have the basics now? As if any of that is really the point. As if any of that tells you anything about why we even exist. 

I would say that Cypress is a humble gathering of people who connect to one another through the common pursuit of Jesus. There have been seasons where my faith journey has included just me and God. Those have been precious and profound. But God always calls me back to His people, Christian and non-Christian alike, and I’m reminded that it is in those efforts I see Him most clearly. The Bible is filled with stories of God moving in the lives of broken people, therefore we should expect the same struggles in our own. We can have opinions and preferences and pride when it comes to churches, but at the end of the day it’s not about you and it’s not about me. It’s about us, together, and that takes consistency, investment, and humility to root in to love. In all that community requires of us, let us not forget how much we must be willing to forgive and to be forgiven for, and that Jesus is the one who makes the whole of it possible. 

"The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community." — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Climbing

I started rock climbing in March thanks to the encouragement of some friends from Cypress. Walking in on that first day, I felt incredibly intimidated and was quickly reminded of my fear of heights. Yet somehow I signed up for a monthly membership after just one visit. I’ve heard climbing fittingly described as “moving meditation.” Like many other physical activities, it drops you into a state of flow and provides a mental, emotional, and physical challenge all in one. When you’re climbing, your focus narrows. In a world of distraction, it’s a rare moment when your only thoughts are toward the task at hand.

One of the things I love about it is the way it humbles the beginner. You can be an extremely fit person, but you likely won’t have the grip or forearm strength or technique that is needed and unique to climbing. You make small, incremental progress with effort and consistency. Fortunately, there is a great culture of teaching and learning in this sport, and I’ve found nothing but encouragement from other climbers no matter their skill level. It’s become such a fun hobby to bond with new friends who already climb and it’s rewarding to see the subsequent smiles that come from sending new, challenging routes. Climbing is a physical reminder that we can always do more than we thought possible.

Denver Seminary

Ok so praise God...fourteen months after leaving my last job, I’m happy to report that I love where I ended up! It’s an incredible feeling when God sends you down a road that you couldn’t have imagined for yourself and gives you closure in hindsight after a bumpy journey. After five months of job searching and multiple interview processes that lasted weeks, it took only six days (!!!) from submitting my application to accepting a job offer for my current role. 

I heard about Denver Seminary (DenSem) through my friend, Katherine, who connected me with her aunt who works as the director of the seminary’s counseling division. As of last fall, my long term goal is to earn my masters in clinical mental health counseling to become a therapist (hello, career change!). So initially, my meeting with Sharon was to discuss the counseling program and I had so many questions about what it might look like to study clinical counseling at a seminary. A longer story short, I felt certain that this was the place I would choose to study.

When Sharon and I met in January, there were no jobs open at DenSem that were a fit. Then later in March, I applied for a Senior Director of Communications position. I thought wow, this role would be perfect. I could challenge myself in a new position, return to the rewarding atmosphere of academia, and build a brand for a place that I had quickly come to love and would hopefully experience from the student lens in the future. After learning as much as I could from contacts working in Christian higher education, researching about the state of seminaries in the US, serendipitously getting a chance to speak with the woman who had held the role before, interviewing twice, compiling multiple letters of recommendation, and waiting for weeks to get an update from HR… I heard back: no. And it rocked me. I felt absolutely certain that God was leading me here, that He wanted me in this place. That’s hard to admit such conviction to the people around you, when it can easily be misinterpreted as false hope and delusion or entitlement and pride. It’s hard to stick to your story when your evidence lies in the mystery of grace. I was deeply disappointed in myself, but also thought, alright God, if this actually isn’t it, then it’s all up to you because I don’t know what the next shot could be. A couple days later, I remember having some peace about it all. I knew it was a really special opportunity for whoever did land the role and I was happy that the right candidate was found. In the end, the seminary would have great leadership in a crucial area, and that mattered to me. This wasn’t one of the dozen companies I applied to and forgot about, this was a place that had already come to carry significance.

In May, the position that reports to the senior director opened up. It was a Communications Coordinator role. The first role was admittedly a reach in title and responsibility for me, but now this felt like a step back in both title and pay. I reapplied, but this time, for the coordinator role. A few days later I was called in for the interview and met the person who had now been in the senior director role for two months… and I LOVED her! It was the first interview in months where I genuinely liked the person I would be reporting to. It was easy to share my story, talk with genuine excitement about the role/company, bring our lives into the conversation, and feel confident that we could work well together. The following Monday, I heard back that I got the job. The wave of relief and joy that washed over me was immense. 

Just over six months in, and I continue to love my job and coworkers. Like Pepperdine, DenSem has become a transformational place to me. My boss, Andrea, is phenomenal. Her encouragement, wisdom, professionalism, and mentorship is a bright light in my life and her support amidst many challenges this year has been life-giving. She is also one of the sharpest and funniest people I’ve ever had the privilege to work alongside, which makes for the perfect balance of work and play. Looking back on the journey to get here, it’s humbling to see God’s call in my own life and hear similar stories from others at DenSem who felt guided there in unique ways as well. 

It’s a strange thing to want to change careers when you’ve spent so many hard, beautiful, and rewarding years pursuing one path. It’s a strange thing to say goodbye to a financially rewarding job at a place filled with coworkers you’ve loved and admired for over half a decade. It’s a strange thing to quit your job, travel the world, and come back changed. But it’s a great joy to begin again. My current salary is barely half it once was. There is no prestige in my title, no unlimited vacation time or cold brew on tap, no big clients or creative budgets, and my work will never appear on those Time Square screens again...but in this moment, I am lighter, happier, and certain that I’m where I’m meant to be. The fourteen months between agency life and seminary life have graciously thawed me out. The time away has let me close my eyes and rest, so that I might be open and ready for a different pace and purpose. 

People come to this place to pursue God and know Him more. The stories of changed lives surround me and my job is just to give a stronger voice to them. The role is a perfect complement to try and take on grad school while working full-time and the employee tuition discount gives me a great shot at graduating debt free this time. Truly, all my praises go up to God for this incredible blessing!

APARTMENT LIFE

In the fall, my roommate and I took on an additional part-time job with an organization called Apartment Life (AL). Our pastor referred us to the opportunity and in September we moved in to our new home in Cherry Creek. AL partners with apartment buildings to bring teams of on-site coordinators to their residences with the goal of building community and fostering relationships between neighbors. The apartment company benefits from increased resident retention (read: cost savings) and satisfaction (read: better ratings) and the residents benefit from the events and relationships that they enjoy. Our role is to welcome new residents to the community, host events throughout the month (Taco Tuesday, Happy Hours, Friendsgiving, etc), support the management and staff, and invest in the relationships that we’re fortunate to have with our neighbors. The hours add up and up and up. We do all this for discounted rent, but far more importantly, I think the thing that makes this whole experience worth the time, energy, and heart investment is the opportunity to truly love my neighbor — and to be reminded daily of how much work I have to do on myself to be faithful and effective toward that end.

The Bible is filled with commandments that are way easier said than done. Love and pray for your enemy. Subdue your pride. Master your desires. Give sacrificially and with a cheerful heart. Repent and turn away from sin. On and on, God’s Word guides and brings truth, but following Him costs us. It costs everything.

Jesus gives what is referred to as the greatest commandment in Mark 12:30-31: “‘And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” These are some of my favorite verses. God designed us for relationship and I see it over and over again how complementary these actions are. Loving God helps me love people more and loving people helps me love God more. We bring a lot of our American culture and English connotations to the words heart, soul, mind, and strength when we read this, but in short, it means everything. We are to love God and people with all we are.

This job came at a time when I was adjusting to a new church community, new full-time work, a new roommate, and a new relationship. Blessings, all of it. But my life is very full. Between work responsibilities and my ever-increasing relationships, I am at max capacity. The saving grace is that this role is opening me up to new ways of knowing God. That scripture from Mark summarizes the ways we love — through our head, heart, and hands. I clearly see God through study, through an intellectual perspective. I clearly see God through through His spirit at work in my soul, through my affections for Him. This role with Apartment Life challenges the “hands” part the most. In this new context, I am challenged to put forth my limited resources, to pretty much open myself up to every new person we’re serving in this community, and to trust that God is moving even when I don’t see it. Ultimately, we want people to feel seen, known, and cared for — to feel loved. And not just by us, but by Jesus. Anything that’s good in me is because of Him.

Friendship

Changes in friendship...guys, I wasn’t ready for it. Sometimes I think about heaven and what it will be like to have the people we love together, forever. We will never run out of time and there will be room for everyone. In the present though, we feel our limitations every day. We’re always wanting for more even while experiencing the gift of life today. We wish for a larger capacity, to learn more, to love more, and to know more, but we must find satisfaction within our constraints. I just find myself wishing for more time to invest in friendships because relationships to me are the whole point.

Most of my closest friendships have surpassed the decade mark. Those years with them have carried me across my twenties and through countless moments that have shaped us. It’s extremely hard when all of your closest relationships become long-distance. You miss the frequency of conversation and shared moments. When you move to a city where you’re not known, new relationships stand in sharp contrast to the ones that make you feel safe and seen. Old friends are sacred.

When I moved, I thought I would visit California about every 2-3 months. I would prioritize my budget and schedule accordingly. I would maintain all these friendships and work to overcome the distance. And yet, I only made it back once last year. It took most of my heart, focus, and money to commit to my new life in Denver. It’s taken me a year to give myself grace in that, and it’s still an ongoing critique on myself.

I’m reminded that God gives and takes away, and it’s not always up to us. I’m grateful for the many wonderful new friends I have here in Denver. Working at DenSem especially has introduced me to so many incredible, loving people. I’ve learned that in healthy communities, the measure of true friendship is not simply a person who cares for you when you stumble, but it is the person who will loudly cheer when your dreams come true, the person who genuinely shares in your gratitude and joy, and the person who is generous and selfless in their support of your successes. Friends who challenge me and dream with me are the ones I connect with on a soul level, and it is an honor to know people like that near and far.

Marc Aaron Redus

Aaron is my best friend. For me, he is my favorite evidence of God doing “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). I never could have imagined a heart like his. I never could have imagined someone so full of joy. I never could have dreamed of a man so strong and good. But God did, and it’s through knowing and loving Aaron that I’ve come to know and love God in profound ways — and we’re just getting started. 

Aaron and I were friends for about four months before we started dating. We both weren’t working during much of this time and over the summer we ended up spending several days together, just the two of us (yet another unemployment blessing). Climbing, running errands, getting coffee and tacos, great conversation… the hours passed. It’s funny to look back on that time because we’ve both said we were in denial about liking each other. I was genuinely surprised when he asked me to go on a date and didn’t see it coming at all. I wasn’t seeing what was right in front of me, until it became the most obvious thing in the world. 

I can hardly believe how much love and laughter we’ve packed into the last six months. The clarity, intentionality, creativity, and investment he’s shown me is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Jesus has been foundational in our relationship and I can’t overstate how crucial that has been. Falling in love seriously carries you away when it all starts and it’s easy to look at your partner and see perfection. Beginning with our shared brokenness has led to honesty from the start. You don’t just see the other person for who they could ideally be to you — you see past that to who they actually are. We are two people who desperately need the love, grace, forgiveness, and salvation of our Savior. He is our model of sacrificial love, which provides strength and guidance when we inevitably bring our sin and failure to the relationship. There’s no one I’d rather walk through the highs and lows with. 

Aaron’s character is endless. He is quick to forgive and not take offense. He is open and nonjudgmental. He believes the best in people and gives us all room to change and grow into our best selves. I love how bold and direct he is. There is urgency and ambition in his heart — for people to know Christ, to know they are loved more deeply than they ever dared hope, and to know that joy is available even in the most heart-wrenching moments. He champions gratitude in a way that’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He is one of those brilliant people that loves to teach and share information and ask questions. He has a beautiful confidence in his decisions and yet a humility that always invites others to contribute. If you’ve ever seen him climb or lift at the gym you’ll know he has the force of a bear, and yet he’s the most gentle and compassionate man I know. He loves language and is thoughtful with his words, something that we both hold dear. He includes people, he seeks adventure, he cares deeply, and he stands up for what is right. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point for now… he’s the best. 

I’m so thankful that God moved us from Alabama and California so that we could meet in the middle. We’re equally obsessed with Denver and can’t believe we get to live in such a beautiful place and explore it together. Here, with him, I am in fact living my best life. :)

FOR MY RECORD —

BOOKS // When Breath Become Air by Paul Kalanithi, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Bruchko by Bruce Olson, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Comer

CONCERTS // Joseph, Needtobreathe, Local Natives, Ziggy Alberts, Emily Brimlow, Maggie Rogers, Whitacre